The following story is in reference to Sirk's Notebook: Medeival Times.
‘Twas a night intended for glory. Two months into the epic anguish known as “preseason,” the figurative Black and Yellow Knights of Columbus desired an evening of majesty, excitement, and copious amounts of medieval fare. The greatest warriors of the lands convened in the mysterious realm known as Orlando. Little did the young squires know, this…was a night of fate and destiny.
With per diem weighing heavy in their pockets, the (figurative) Knights of Columbus felt the manly urge for meat and mead. After much deliberation and angst amongst themselves, it was determined that an evening watching the greatest warriors of any dinner show in the mysterious land of Orlando, and stuffing their faces, was in order. The small brigade of eight (figurative) Knights of Columbus boarded their great white carriage which happened to be a large Chevy passenger van. Escorted by their fearless leader, Andrew of House GreenTree (more widely known by his war name ‘The Hebrew Hammer’) the (figurative) black and yellow Knights of Columbus made their two mile journey to the castle of Medieval Times Orlando. As they disembarked their great white chariot, their eagerness as they sauntered across the moat and through the castle gates was palpable.
After a small amount of waiting in a line full of peasants and peons, the (figurative) Knights of Columbus had their chance to order their tickets. Fully expecting a lofty price of entry per person, the Knights were pleasantly surprised by the generous group rate with which they were given. Following the purchase and the less than necessary and fully creepy comments from their ticket wench, the knights realized the gravity of the seats they were assigned. The knight with which they were now linked to, in both honor and allegiance, was indeed the Black and Yellow Knight. This twist of fate only heightened the excitement for the young brigade. As the knights made their way inside, they were stopped by some wizardry which captured their images which could later be purchased for $9.99 plus tax. The image has since been recognized as one of the greatest depictions in Columbus Crew lore.
The waiting area was full of common folk buying expensive and useless trinkets. The knights’ throats were dry, and needed quenching. The barkeep had a familiar dialect to one of the knights. Young Konrad of House Polandia (more commonly known by his war name ‘The Polish Pistol’) was more than willing to converse with the bar wench in their common tongue of Polandia. After acquaintances were met, the (figurative) black and yellow Knights of Columbus patiently waited for their group to be called into the arena…group yellow 4.
The King’s Herald beckoned for the yellow 4’s and the black and yellow (figurative) Knights of Columbus made their way to the arena. They found their places and patiently waited for their feast to begin. By this point, it was clear that the devotion to the Black and Yellow knight held no equal comparatively to the other crowds. Daniel of House Withrone (known by his war name ‘Otto’) staked his claim as the black and yellow section leader through his extroverted loyalty to their cause. He let his voice be heard throughout the arena, and spurred his companions to voice their support. By this point in the challenges, whether it be jousting, swordplay, horse-riding, or spear throwing, it was clear that the black and yellow knight was far superior to his competitors. The (figurative) Knights of Columbus took every chance they could to ensure that everyone in the arena was aware of their knight’s superiority. One may even go so far as to classify it as “yellow swag,” as there is no basketball or football team in the Land of Columbus. Soon it became evident that even the other opposing knights themselves had come to recognize and spurn the black and yellow section. Some may have classified the black and yellow (figurative) Knights of Columbus’ support as obnoxious…and it probably was. However, the knights themselves could feel their support truly making a difference. Young Eric of House Gehrigan took it upon himself to even provide our knight with the war name, “The Hammer.” It only seemed fitting due to his overwhelming power, girth, and work ethic. Young Eric of House Gehrigan even went so far as to start chants of “Hammer! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer!” which surprisingly enough, everyone in the Black and Yellow section willingly joined.
Nearing the later portion of the festivities, it was clear the opposing knights were getting annoyed. The Blue Knight (presumably from Montreal) went so far as to make gestures to the (figurative) Knights of Columbus as they heckled him. No one had ever believed it possible, but not only had the (figurative) Knights of Columbus managed to rattle the Blue Knight, they had managed to get him to break character. Challenge after challenge, the Black and Yellow Knight imposed his dominance over his competitors. In the final sword duel, while there were times that he looked in dire peril, the young (figurative) Knights of Columbus were there to support him on to victory. The Black and Yellow Knight was the Champion of Medieval Times. What an incredible twist of fate. The Knights of the Columbus Crew immediately came to the realization of how incredible this night truly was. Not only were they destined to represent the same colors with which they embody on the field of battle, but those colors evoke undying devotion from their supporters at Crew Stadium as well. And above all, the Black and Yellow Knight was crowned the champion, the ultimate goal that these young men strive for every single day.
Following the exodus out of the arena and into the common room once again, all of the defeated knights were there to mingle with the common folk. As the troop of (figurative) Knights of Columbus made their way through the people, they were tickled to overhear comments such as, “Not THESE guys again,” and “Oh geez, it’s THOSE guys.” They took those comments as endearing compliments, and continued our search to convene with their champion. By happenstance, the young men ran into the Blue Knight. After a laugh, the Blue Knight ensured the knights that everything was predetermined, and that they had no sway in the outcome of the evening. Joshua of Kleve Land advised us all to blow these comments off entirely, as he had both sensed and labeled the Blue Knight (presumably of Montreal) as a sore loser. And then, like an angel coming from the heavens, the Black and Yellow knight emerged. He had an aura, an ambiance about him. After the young men rushed him to show their gratitude and support, it became apparent that the (figurative) Knights of Columbus legitimately embarrassed this man. However comical it was, the brigade implored for a group photo. Everyone stood proud to be in the presence of the champion. Justin of the Meramese Islands and Kyle of the High-Lands may have even shed a few tears of appreciation and admiration. Following the Tebowing in front of the King himself, the (figurative) Knights of Columbus took their leave.
They frolicked to their great white Chevy carriage, already reminiscing one of the greatest evenings of their lives. With flags, cups, and crowns in hand, Andrew of House GreenTree lead them back to Castle Embassy Suites. With the taste of victory and fare still on their lips, the atmosphere was rather energetic on the two mile return venture. The young men of the black and yellow disembarked their motorized carriage already recollecting upon their exploits. As the (figurative) Knights of Columbus scampered briskly up the steps of Castle Embassy Suites, they had heard a foreign ruckus that caught their ear in a nearby living quarters. Eyeing that the door to this area was ajar, full of both zeal and excitement, the young men burst within the room. Much to their incredulity and anticipation the room was filled with fellow Black and Yellow (figurative) Knights of Columbus. These particular Black and Yellow knights, however, were representative of the faraway lands of Sudamericanos (known for their technical skills, questionable attire, and uncanny ability to all fit in the same vehicle). The immediate interaction was full of shouting, astonishment, and uncertainty. After the photographs were shoved in the faces of the Sudamericanos, they began spewing questions to the (figurative) Knights of Columbus in some strange language. One Sudamericanos (figurative) Knight of Columbus seemed to take the lead over the others in his bewilderment. He was later determined to be the legendary Sir Frederick of House Eegwhyeen (known by his war name ‘Pipa’ and distinguishable by his strange resemblance to hobbits in stature). After it was clear their conversations were taking them nowhere, the young (figurative) Knights of Columbus scrambled out the door just as they had entered it, hastily and awkwardly. It was at this time that the young warriors of the Black and Gold went their separate ways, to relive, revel, and dream of what they had accomplished that grand evening.
Was everything that happened coincidence? Was it just chance that they represented the Black and Yellow? Was it happenstance that the Black and Yellow Knight was crowned Champion of the realm? That is for you to decide, but as a lowly scribe and witness to that night, I happen to think it is indeed a vibrant symbol for things to come.
Mathyew of House Lampsonite